Questions From Idiots, Answers For Idiots
FAQ's - Life Insurance
Why do I need to go for blood tests?
Because we're Vampiric beings and we need to make certain that we won't get HIV from our midnight snack. This whole Life Insurance business is just a front.
Are these disclosure statements absolutely necessary? Is there any way to customise the wording?
No they're not necessary, we're just doing it to waste paper because we can. That's what companies do - they try to be as inefficient as possible. This isn't a car, you can't drop the text 5 points or change the font to a fully sick metallic black.
Why do you need to know our height and weight details?
Because insurance companies don't like to insure freaks of nature, or short fat chicks, it's bad publicity. We only insure ambassadors with great bodies.
Can you please mark this item as urgent?
Yes, that's what my stamp is there for. I also like the 'click' sound it makes so I can mark it as urgent x 3 if you really want. And of course it is, just like every other case we handle.
Why is there an exclusion/loading for my pre-existing condition?
Because our underwriters are prejudiced. Try changing your name to Smith and re-apply. *wink*
Why do you require my income details?
Well our pay isn't really enough to support my Heroin addiction so I need to find some potential sponsors.
Stroke Of Luck
When you miss out on tickets to see your favourite band you start to think irrational thoughts. That is to say you begin not to think at all. What if I die tomorrow and never got to see them? What if they get killed in some freakish plane crash on their way to London? Is all this global warming and icebergs melting, and tectonic plates shifting, and terrorist bombings and tunnels collapsing, and drug mule hangings just a sign to say that the end is nigh and I was never meant to watch The Strokes play?
John Howard, can I get an appeal from you? Or should I go directly to all the world's agents against injustice? That's exactly what it is. If I had ADD and were a Muslim with a pretty face and millionaire boyfriend, would that have helped at all? I could've claim that this shit was prejudiced. Maybe all the good luck in this city had been used up when the Tigers and Swans won their respective Premierships, and the Socceroos qualified for Germany. Where was the drought warning for good luck?
The red banners lining George Street are reminding us all to have a Happy Christmas, but I know that today's pain will be with me for a while yet. And to those lucky enough to get a ticket, congratulations.
When you miss out on tickets to see your favourite band you start to think irrational thoughts. That is to say you begin not to think at all. What if I die tomorrow and never got to see them? What if they get killed in some freakish plane crash on their way to London? Is all this global warming and icebergs melting, and tectonic plates shifting, and terrorist bombings and tunnels collapsing, and drug mule hangings just a sign to say that the end is nigh and I was never meant to watch The Strokes play?
John Howard, can I get an appeal from you? Or should I go directly to all the world's agents against injustice? That's exactly what it is. If I had ADD and were a Muslim with a pretty face and millionaire boyfriend, would that have helped at all? I could've claim that this shit was prejudiced. Maybe all the good luck in this city had been used up when the Tigers and Swans won their respective Premierships, and the Socceroos qualified for Germany. Where was the drought warning for good luck?
The red banners lining George Street are reminding us all to have a Happy Christmas, but I know that today's pain will be with me for a while yet. And to those lucky enough to get a ticket, congratulations.
Charmed
Please don't be like that, with your pretty hair and your pretty eyes, highlighted by expensive eye-liner. You look beautiful with your designer summer dress and costume jewellery, and the whole world is watching you. You know that, don't you? Of course you do. You cause accidents unknowingly when stepping through open doors and second looks in the heart of the city. You leave a trailing scent that's oh-so feminine wherever you go.
I'm finding it hard not to fall for your charms, even though I know that this is just a passing phase. All pretty things are. Like Autumn.
Converse All-Star's
I can't bring myself to throw my old sneakers away. I bought them for $20 from a busy department store in Manila, knowing that I needed them because they were affordable, comfortable and easy to get along with. They could be worn with almost everything I had at the time, and to almost every occasion I needed clothes for at the time. But lately, there has been mounting pressure for me to throw them away.
A hole in the right shoe has grown steadily over the past two years, and it now exposes the ugly toe nails and bare skin underneath. The soles are worn so badly that they have no more traction - they have trouble holding on to the easiest of ground. And the heels are tattered, the canvas split and the binding thread that once held them together, is frayed and reaching out for something. The inside lining, too, is worn, and the Converse All-Star insignia has disappeared.
But they have served me so dutifully for so long, and it seems wrong to let them go. They were my dancing shoes, when I didn't give a fuck about what tomorrow would bring. They were the pair I took to overseas trips, when I could bring one, and only one pair. They were my basketball and gym shoes, when I was still active. They were my Sunday morning breakfast and Tuesday night movies shoes, when I needed something comfortable to share my leisurely moments with.
Do all good things really come to an end? Would it be the same if I bought the same pair and started all over again? Is the past still worth something? Worth saving?
I don't know.
Maybe.
I hope so.
I hope so.
I can't bring myself to throw my old sneakers away. I bought them for $20 from a busy department store in Manila, knowing that I needed them because they were affordable, comfortable and easy to get along with. They could be worn with almost everything I had at the time, and to almost every occasion I needed clothes for at the time. But lately, there has been mounting pressure for me to throw them away.
A hole in the right shoe has grown steadily over the past two years, and it now exposes the ugly toe nails and bare skin underneath. The soles are worn so badly that they have no more traction - they have trouble holding on to the easiest of ground. And the heels are tattered, the canvas split and the binding thread that once held them together, is frayed and reaching out for something. The inside lining, too, is worn, and the Converse All-Star insignia has disappeared.
But they have served me so dutifully for so long, and it seems wrong to let them go. They were my dancing shoes, when I didn't give a fuck about what tomorrow would bring. They were the pair I took to overseas trips, when I could bring one, and only one pair. They were my basketball and gym shoes, when I was still active. They were my Sunday morning breakfast and Tuesday night movies shoes, when I needed something comfortable to share my leisurely moments with.
Do all good things really come to an end? Would it be the same if I bought the same pair and started all over again? Is the past still worth something? Worth saving?
I don't know.
Maybe.
I hope so.
I hope so.
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