How Was Your Long Weekend?...

... it wasn't long enough.

Ha!

Pure genius folks. I've heard this line used every fucking long-weekend, from every moron between the lobby to Level 17, and no matter who delivers it, it still sucks.

Maybe Wit has a five day weekend, two day weekdays, and likes to sleep in because it's easy like Friday morning.

...

So what did he say?
He looked really young and was quite nervous...
And...
He said 'Hi, my name is X, and you look really cool. You look like a Ninja'

...

My neck hurts. That's the reward I get for attempting heavier weights at the gym. Junkies will say it's because of incorrect technique etc., I say it's my luck. I wish I could jump over Luck's fence and be on it's good side for once. But fuck that thought, my neck hurts and I can't sleep, sit or even stand without pulling a wincing face because an invisible Spock is pinching the shit out of my neck. It's not a cool look on the morning commute.

...

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?
Where you going, essay?

...

So, tell me what you think your best trait is?
Um, I don't know. I've never really thought of that before. OK, what's yours?
My ass.
Please stand.
Just take my word for it...
(You'll be dancing later anyway) Yeah ok. How about for him?
It's his hair. He's got that whole my-hair-can't-be-touched look. So yeah, how about you?
My monster cock.
Hahahahha!

So she proceeded to call me 'big wad' for the rest of the night, and I'm happy because somebody out there actually appreciates my humour.

...

The Winner of Joke-Off 2005:

Why does the Pope wear baggy clothing?
Because he's a Rap Singer

This challenge was conceived last Sunday where participants were given a common topic that they must make a joke about. The topic was the Pope. We won't discuss the other entries.

...

I'm a Level 35 Druid, waiting to use a Unique crossbow that will do 63-135 damage per magic arrow. My Grizzly Bear is on level 5, my mercenary Ip is a level 34 Barbarian and I'm absolutely consumed by Diablo II all over again. D is crying a plague on my mouse.

Self-Exile

I've been keeping to myself as of late, and I'm enjoying the peace, stability and learning that solitude can bring.

I guess I just needed time to remember that the world is great.

And that it's a lack of vision that makes the world seem small.

Grade A Moron

For how many minutes of game time in Sydney's last match against Brisbane, were the Swans in front?

That was the question that needed to be answered to get free tickets to the next Swans game, so...

I replied with the correct answer in 0.29 seconds via email -

0 Minutes!!!!!

I checked my sent items to find that I'd sent it to EVERYONE IN THE SOCIAL CLUB AT WORK! (ie - shitloads of people)

I have never felt so stooopid in my life.

Shit-Chat

The weather is a bit weird today...
Yeah I know. Was it raining in your area?
Quite heavily, actually...
So yeah. Um. What's the weather like for the weekend?
I don't know. (looks outside) Looks uncertain.
Yeah, yeah...

And so I wait in line for the morning lifts as this exciting conversation goes on. There are times when people don't need to talk, and we being smart animals, should realise this by now.

Weather should never be a topic unless:

a. It's bizzarre / chaotic
b. You're a weatherman
c. You're both

So there.

PS - For all y'all who haven't yet - get a copy of VICE magazine for guaranteed, hearty laughs